it's almost 5 in the morning and i haven't slept since 9:30 last night. i think i slept about 2 hours. lol.
i got some things done and just had a good time.
i'm happy with my current position in life right now and i smile a lot thnx to someone. it's great. thnx to a phone call last night i stayed up until 12 and i have been roaming around the house since then. it was great to be on the phone with that person.
well, i'm just rambling on about a lot of different things that do not matter to anyone else. lol
oh yeah, im reading "the perks of being a wallflower" and so far it is rly good. jacob was right when he said it pertained to my life a lot right now. i think i'm going to go read it right now.
sry for the randomness. later

why am i the idiot who put you through these things?
i messed up and i can face that, but for some reason i can't forgive myself. you ask how do i know i will hurt you again......i don't know, but it's hard for me to take that chance. i dont want you to feel that way anymore or put you in that kind of situation again.

i can't just tell you to get over it and it work. i won't be an asshole to you about it so you'll forget about it either. truth is, i liked you and i still like you. but i screwed up and put us in the situation we are in now.

that stabbing feeling you get when you see me, it's probably the feeling of you wanting to stab me for my actions and we have agreed that something like that needs to take place.

i know you don't want to waste that time you spent crushing, but i dont want to waste your time on a person who has treated you like crap.

not awkward........unexpected. left me speechless, im sorry. lets talk today sometime. i think that needs to happen. ok?

i told you i didnt believe him. i just wanted to ask and i rly didnt think you would cheat. you dont seem to be that kind of person. all i said was that i thought it would have been nice to know. oh well, it's over and i dont rly care anymore.
i couldnt help the way i felt. no one can....damn.
you're right this is a joke.
why would you be so mad that i accidently kicked it? and not even care for my apology???

it was a goddamn accident.
i tried to be nice. couldnt even say what i wanted to say without getting told off.
why the fuck are things like this?
i didnt lie, i asked a question about something someone told me,(is that so fuckin bad?) and now i accidentlly do something and..............uggggghhhhhhh. i hate ppl in high school. so dumb.
fuck it. it's settled..........i moving back to where i came from. i wish it was that easy.

i hate i.e.
just thought everyone should know. setting here at school and i realized once again that the school is stupid. they should get mozilla def.
well, changing classes. later

I'm just here.
Not the same as it used to be.
Should I miss the past when the present is so great?
I screw things up to easily.
I'm suprised we're still going.
But thankful that we are.
Going from day to day and not getting the nights I want.
Not remembering parts of the past two months.
It was the best summer I've had.
I'm happy now and I try to express that as much as I can.
Many people see it, but others try to bring me down.
Maybe I'm bringing myself down with these thoughts.
I hope things continue to get better after some stupid actions.
I like things too much right now for them not to get better.
My head needs to be cleared and focus on the good things in my life right now.
You expect things and that's what you will get.
I will try to do what you ask and plan on it.
A call was asked for and that is what will happen later.
Things make me happy right now.
I'm convinced.

i just want to say it one more time and you probably don't want to hear it again, but thank you. i don't deserve you and your kindness.
i know i'm dumb and we established that a long time ago, but i like you and i do care.
yesterday was good and i hope i showed you that i do care.
thank you and i'm sry for my actions.

Today seems like it could go bad or good. Last night was not the best for me. I got some more things off my chest to someone. Well, it's something i've always said, but in the back of my mind I thought I might not mean it, but now I do.

I have also come to the conclusion that I bitch too much about things. I'm going to try to stop. I just don't like bringing people down with my problems and I don't know why I have done that so much here lately. Like I said, hopefully it will stop.

Things with "weirdo" are good. lol. I smile more lately and I'm happy.

I guess that's all for this morning. Oh, I just got asked if I want to play at a local show in the next month. Hopefully I can get things worked out for that. Ok, leaving now.

i like this so a lot so i thought would share it with everyone.

THE SPILL CANVAS LYRICS

"3685"

My empty promises
Led to our demise
And I could never tell you how I really feel
And for that I eternally apologize

I hope you never forget the tapping at your window
With the harsh cold and the jealousy
Running through my bones
We were both selfish, but I think I was more

I would like to thank you, for showing me
A part of myself that I have never seen
Yeah, we were young and dumb, but it still was fun
And I guess these things just tend to fall apart
And I hope you feel the same

My empty promises
My empty promises
Brought us to an end
I just hurt you and I never looked back
Now I have no logic to defend

I hope you never forget the tapping at your window
With the harsh cold and the jealousy
Running through my bones
We were both selfish, but I think I was more

I would like to thank you, for showing me
A part of myself that I have never seen
Yeah, we were young and dumb, but it still was fun
And I guess these things just tend to fall apart

I would like to thank you, for showing me
A part of the world that I have never seen
Yeah, I was young and dumb, but it still was fun
I'm forever indebted to you
I hope you feel the same

You seem like such a big part
Of my life and my heart
But the truth is I've found something new
And she easily towers over you

You seem like such a big part
Of my life and my heart
But the truth is I've found something new
And she easily towers over you

things are good right now and i hope i don't screw them up like i usually do. i know i'm stupid sometimes, but i've tried changing that this summer. maybe the new things in my life will be good for awhile, or at least i hope so.

things are good with the lady and i. actually, better than they have ever been. that's probably the most exciting part of my life right now.......i went and seen Zodiac yesterday. it was pretty good. long. 2 and a half hours. i think that is the longest movie i have seen in theaters. last week i seen 23 and Smokin Aces. those were both good movies. i seen Hannibal Rising like 2 weeks ago. it was also good. movies are good and so much fun. i think we need to organize another movie night in gc over at someone's place. just an idea. today has been good. i've relaxed got some work done and spent some time with dad. i haven't been home much this week so it's nice to just stay home with him some. the 9 weeks ended friday and i think my grades are going to be pretty good. or at least i hope. things are going better than they did last semester and i haven't been in class that much. i've been out for all of those band things and it seems everyday i go to mr. key's arts and humanities class just to hang out. so i have good grades and im not in class all the time. sounds good to me.

so today has been....blah. i forgot all my stuff at home and i have been extremely tired all day. i will work on my work when i get home since all of my stuff is there. last night was fun. i met gabby's parents, spent like 4 hours with her, watched movies, and just mainly had fun. her dad is really cool. i was scared because of something, but i wont go in detail about that. we watched kill bill which i have always loved. we started watching saw 1, but she got scared and we had to turn it. lol. it was a great valentines day. she is coming to the game on friday and to my house before the game. excitement. we have a three day weekend coming up for presidents day. i dont think i have been to a full week of school in about a month and a half. ppl being sick, holidays, and band have prevented me from reaching my love of education per week. ha. well, classes are about to change so i need to go.

things have been really cool here at all-state. we dont play as much as i thought we would. there is alot of down time. our music is completely amazing. i have hung out with all the old friends and all of the new ones ive met this week. overall, i like everything about this week.

setting in french working on a power point....kind of sucks. got bored so i thought i would post. things seem to be better. i still have the same feelings and will for awhile, but i know it's for the best. this is what needs to take place. family problems are continuing. they suck. i cant wait until all of this is over. we need to plan a movie night sometime soon guys. we should work on this. later

things had been akward and completely different with you for awhile until yesterday. it was fun......no, it was great!!!! and then later last night i read something that just tore me up and kind of made me angry. if what i think is true, who knows what will happen.

i get rid of something that had been causing problems and it still causes problems....arggg!!! i hate it when you do something to make things better and it stays the same. im going to my sisters today, woohoo. not much else going on really. oh, for those of you who are in impact and read this, im not going to be able to do it. some family complications came up and i need to be here. id rather not post about what im talking about but i might tell you if you ask me about it. really depends if i feel like talking. i need to give tia back her warm-up packet. ok, im gone to my sisters. bye guys

i just deleted my myspace, yay!!

my mom and i are always into it. its getting to everyone and im starting to hate it. she seems very upset right now cause we all told her how we felt about everything....she's setting close to me and it just seems weird, she's not acting right. we did nothing wrong, we just told her the facts....by we i mean my sister, my dad, and i. everything will eventually be fine.

felicia and i gave each other christmas gifts today. she got me an awesome stone sour shirt, a harmonica, a cd, this sweet looking candle holder thingy, some adidas aftershave and deodorant,and the other day she gave me a 30 seconds to mars and hinder cd and an avenged sevenfold belt buckle. its pretty rad. onto what i got her. i had a taking back sunday shirt that she wanted but it was to big so i was going to exchange for a smaller size but no smaller sizes, so i got this sweet looking afi shirt which i wish i had its so cool. i made her the rhcp stadium arcadium cd. i bought her a belt with music notes all the way around and a famous stars and straps t-shirt. her final gift worried me. i didnt know if she would like it or not and i kindof spent quite a bit of money on it so i was worried. i had bought her this pretty ring and sure enough she loved it. i dont think ive seen her that excited in awhile. it made me feel great to see that she loved it. felicia means the world to me and everything is amazing right now.

today was nice. i just relaxed all day and made "someone special" a christmas present. hopefully ill get something to do tomorrow night after work. im going shopping tomorrow morning for another christmas present for "someone special." i hope she will like what ipick out for her. i went to my first impact practice last night and i think everything will be pretty exciting. i think im going to update more often now if any is actually reading this.